Marriages & Divorces ~ Husband 1:4

In my last blog I wrote that I became pregnant and was going to move back home to have the baby. However that’s not what the Universe had in stored for me, I ended up having a miscarriage and staying in California. Now instead of telling you about the next two years, I’m just going to jump ahead to when I was 22 years old and had my first marriage and baby. In a future blog I’ll come back to those two years… they definitely were interesting, filled with challenges and played a major pivot point in my career choice. Stay tuned…

My first husband was a bass player for a band that would frequently play on Sunset Strip. My girlfriends and I were friends with all of the guys in the band and we would go see them play often. My roommate actually had a crush on the bass player, who I would end up marrying. One evening her and I had got into a heated fight because she had a dream that I slept with him. Apparently it was all in her head (or her dream) because him and I were just friends at that time. Although not too long after her dream, her dream became reality and we eventually ended up getting together. After dating and living with each other for ten months we had planned on getting married the following year (April 1991). All of his family was from Tampa so we decided to have our wedding out there. As I was prepping and preparing for my upcoming wedding I was given a blessing! A month before I was to be married I found out I was pregnant. This would now be my third pregnancy and all I could think about was how I miscarried my two prior pregnancies within the first trimester. Although I was scared about losing another baby, I was also excited too. I shunned off any negativity about what could happen and called my dad to tell him the good news. I didn’t want to jink anything so I didn’t tell anyone else till after my first trimester. And there was another factor why I wanted to keep this pregnancy a secret, I didn’t want my fiancés family thinking that we were only getting married because I was pregnant. However, if you did the math it was obvious that wasn’t the case.

April approached fast and it was time to fly to Tampa, get married and then take a cruise for our honeymoon. A co-worker and a friend of mine, both from California, came out to be my bridesmaids. I also had made my sister-in-law as my maid of honor. I had known my sister-in-law since I was 16 and went to high school with her. My dad couldn’t make the trip to Tampa to walk me down the isle, so my older brother substituted for him instead. The wedding ceremony was quaint and perfectly planned by his mom and I.  After the wedding we headed over to this hotel by Busch Gardens to have our reception outdoors and the weather couldn’t of been any more beautiful. I like to say that my special day was going smoothly but there was a little hiccup to it. Before the wedding ceremony, two of his cousins were signing into the guest book and started to sift through the pages. I had forgotten that I wrote in the back of the book about finding out I was pregnant. Well, the news spread fast after his cousins stumbled onto that secret! I almost freaked out but the response from all of his family was nothing but congratulations and much love for the news. I felt relieved and now could enjoy the rest of my special day without worrying that I would be talking to someone and accidentally out of excitement blurt out the truth. After I was finally married and the baby news was out, it was time to go on our honeymoon. We took a Bahama cruise out of Tampa and actually invited my co-worker (one of the bridesmaids) to join us. Some would think that was odd but she didn’t interfere with our honeymoon and she did her own thing. Our honeymoon was amazing except for the fact that I had experienced every kind of sickness there was being pregnant!

We finally got back home and I continued to finish preparing for the arrival of our son. I was nesting almost every day and my tummy was becoming bigger and bigger. It almost looked as if I was going to have twins but I wasn’t (laughing). In November of 1991 I had my beautiful baby boy, he was not only just as healthy as could be, he weighed 9lbs 10oz and was 23 inches long. I also have to mention that delivery was with no drugs and a natural child birth (ouch!). The doctor had also told me that he was the largest baby born that weekend.

Earlier that year before my son was born, riots had broke out regarding the Rodney King incident. After being in the midst of those riots and now with a newborn in the household, my husband and I decided not to raise our son in California. We had made the decision to move out to Tampa and live with his parents until we got our own home. However, not barely a year after moving there I ended up divorcing my husband. My step-mother told me to take my son and move back home to Chicago but I didn’t have the heart to take my son away from his dad so I ended up staying in Tampa. I eventually moved in with my friend Brian and several months later started to date one of his friends. Not too long after we were dating, I got some unexpected news… I was pregnant with his child.

During this time, I didn’t have a stable or well paying job and my son was pretty much living with his father full time. All I could think about was how could I have another baby when I couldn’t even take care of the one I had. Sure I could of went on welfare, had the government support me and two babies but what life could I have given my children and most of all what would I be teaching them?

Now at another life pivot point where I had to make the biggest decision ever, there was only one question on my mind to determine that deciding factor. What was best for my son and my baby (not yet born)? I ended up making the choice to have an abortion. It was not the easiest decision I’ve ever had to make and it would taunt my consciousness for a long time. Not too mention that the abortion process was the worst experience I’ve ever went through. In the end I knew it had to be that way, that sometimes you come across that fork in the road and as gut wrenching as a decision may be… it’s for the best. 

“The hard thing is not making a decision. It’s thinking about the results of what you have decided.” ~ Unknown

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