Weekly Flygirl Fix ~ June 17, 2019

Namaste!

I hope everyone had a good week and a great weekend! And to all those father’s out there… Happy (late) Father’s Day to you! Hope you got to relax and enjoy your special day!!!

Now onto my Weekly Flygirl Fix… I first want to apologize for the delay in this post and any other delays in pictures, post or responses on Facebook and Instagram. I’m a realist and wear my heart on my sleeve. So on that note please be open-minded and non-judgmental on what I’m about to tell you.

For those who know me or have been reading my life story blogs, know that 13 years ago (2 weeks after Fathers Day) I was at my dads house visiting when he committed suicide. So there is an emotional trifecta for me during the months of June (Father’s Day/death), July (funeral) and Aug (his birthday). I have been using different types of resources, therapy, along with a support group of family and friends to help me get through these emotional months over the years.

However, last Monday I lost my self-control of emotions and reasoning and had a major depression episode which ended up with me being admitted into the hospital. I just recently got released and trust me, I will be spending more time with my therapist trying to figure out what triggered that unfortunate event that almost took my life. I’m going to continue gathering resources, build my support group and try to stay focused and positive as I can be.

I feel that with my recent event I need to express that depression and suicide are not just something that should or can be ignored. Whether you are someone who is not educated on mental health, doesn’t know what to say or how to help or can’t relate to it… discussions, education and understanding is so desperately needed when it comes to this sensitive subject.

I have been a victim and a survivor to where I understand both sides, I wish I could find the words to explain them both but I feel I wouldn’t be able to articulate it well. Although I will say this, when someone is depressed and tries to take their life, contrary to what people say… they are not being selfish. When you pass that wall of no return it’s like there is no thought of people, place or time, it’s as if you lose control of your body and mind. So please don’t ever think that if someone you love takes their life… that they were selfish because they didn’t think of you. And as I just mentioned, it’s like there isn’t any thought of anything. I know it sounds silly but that’s the best of my ability to explain what I have experienced my whole life with mental health.

Now to conclude this somber blog, I just want to say that I’m so thankful for my boyfriend (who was out of town that night). Apparently I had called him (which I don’t remember) and he said I didn’t sound like myself. He said that he had called the police to have them come check on me. And from what he tells me, I’m lucky that the EMTs came when they did because I would not be here today telling you my story, continuing to write my life story blogs or let that one person whos heart is hurting know… you are not alone!

Till next week, have a productive week, be happy and be well!

Hugz & Kisses,

Debbie

2 thoughts on “Weekly Flygirl Fix ~ June 17, 2019

  1. lickenfeet

    Debbie, I can relate to your story. I also tried to take my life when i thought the whole world was against me. Depression is a horrible disease and your right no one knows what it is like until they experience it. It was a Friday going to work and all was good until around 2pm i get a call from Human Resources saying they wanted to see me.When HR wants to see you its always not a good thing. Was let go of my job after 12 years. After trying to defend myself which is impossible in NH i was escorted out of the building by security. On the way home a vehicle went though a stop sign and hit my passenger door setting off the airbags. Everyone was ok but was just bad timing. Next day my wife went to work and she was called to HR, yes after 35 years there she was let go. They say things happen in 3’s i do believe that. The next morning when the family was gone i was in a state of depression and talked to myself saying why me. I took ambition. aspirin and drank 2 beers. I left a note on the bed stating why i did this. Lucky for me my wife came home saw me on the bed and saw the note. Was rushed to the ER and of course i made it but i understand how a person can be so depressed and for me i was not thinking and just did what i did. Debbie wish we could talk, I think we have a lot in common.

    Wally

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    1. Hi Wally, thank you for sharing apart of your life with me. You know as well as I do that it can be a bit frustrating when our loved ones and friends don’t understand where people who are depressed are coming from…or the fact that someone can be just depressed as you but has a bit more mental control not to cross that line of taking their life. I agree with you that things come in three’s, not sure why but they do. I also believe that things happen for a reason, though some might not agree, but I believe there are lessons in everything! I’m glad that your wife was there to intervene and that you are here today! I get the ‘not thinking’, sometimes I think people will think I’m crazy when I tell them it’s almost like a out of body experience or mind detached from feelings…. either way, it’s a sensitive subject that I hope one day the mental health people find some way to figure it out. Once again, thanks for sharing your story, glad you are still here, thanks for the support and stay positive and well!!! xo Debbie

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