Marriages And Divorces ~ Husband 2:4 Part 1

I know I said I wasn’t going to write about husband number two till last, but I felt I needed to write about him now so it aligns with husband number four. So with that being said, on to husband number two… the one I joke about and say that marriage didn’t count because I was on med’s, prescription of course (laughing).

It was 1998, I was living in California and planning my 30th birthday trip. I decided to celebrate it in Hawaii for a week and just chill by myself. At that time my agent wanted me to go to a convention in Las Vegas to meet some people and get more work. I’m not sure why but I agreed to go and canceled my birthday Hawaii trip. I didn’t realize it at the time but that decision would be the biggest mistake ever. While attending that convention I met this guy who was an owner of one of the biggest massage parlors in the SW suburbs of Chicago. He was not really my type and definitely a sweet talker. Once he realized I was originally from Chicago, he said that if I ever get back that way he would love to take me out to dinner. Well little did the Universe inform me… that would be sooner than expected.

Not too long after that convention I had moved to Columbus, S.C. And as much as I liked it there, my residency would be limited to six months. One day I had received a call from back home that my dad had a stroke. I was very close to him and I didn’t even think twice about what I would do next. I planned on moving back home to be closer to him and help with his plumbing business. So without hesitation I packed up my things and moved back home. This was a huge pivot point for me in my life since I hadn’t lived at home since I was 16 years old. Given I would come back here and there and my dad would always ask me to move back home. But this was something I couldn’t let my pride give into, my dad needed me and I had to move back home. I ended up moving into my father’s house. Actually, I took his two car garage and converted it into a studio apartment. It was nice to be back closer to my dad and going on plumbing jobs with him like I use to do when I was 14 years old. I was still out traveling and making some good money which would be enough for me to help my father out financially. I would buy some things for his house, steal some of his bills and pay them and eventually give him the down payment he needed to buy his house. My dad never knew that the money I gave him for his house was actually the money I was saving to try and get custody of my son back. In Florida (where my son resided) they have dual custody but I wanted my son to live with me full-time.

Now living back home I decided to call that guy I had met at the convention in Vegas. One evening he had come to my dads house in a limo to pick me up and took me out to a real nice restaurant for some seafood. I don’t recall exactly how the rest of that evening went down but he had reeled me in with his smooth talk. After a week of knowing him we ended up going to our local courthouse to get married. My sister came to the court house and his parents were there from Florida to join us as well. So here I was at a courthouse, only knowing this guy for a week and this very pregnant lady was marrying us. I know, you are probably wondering… what the hell was I thinking? Trust me, it took me years later to really analyze that whole situation. But the Universe is funny and our choices can sometimes be distorted when we are insecure or frail. I ended up moving into his townhouse up north from my dads house. I had put my things in storage and only took what I needed with me. I never really took my stuff out of storage until almost a year later, I think my subconsciousness knew something I didn’t at the time. While I was married to him I didn’t go on the road as much but did help him at his massage business. I would manage the girls and books but eventually ended up doing massages there too. There were so many red flags in this relationship that I was too mentally tired to deal with. I was tired of being on the road, tired of paying bills myself, tired of just dealing with life alone. I just wanted to have someone else to lean on for a change even if it meant the wrong guy. It was in this relationship that made me understand and relate to women who are in domestic violence relationships. Eventually down the road and unannounced to me, I would be one of those women.

Within the first month of our marriage I had given him $10,000 that he had owed someone. I didn’t think twice about giving it to him and he said he would give me the money back. Within six months of being married to him, he would cheat on me with six women (five of our employees and the paralegal of our lawyer). Our employees would tell me about him having sex with one of the girls at the business and I would just say “He’s my husband, I’m not stupid but I need proof or need to catch him.” As months went by this relationship got worse, I wasn’t even me anymore. He had me go downtown to Chicago and promote our business on a local radio show. He used my name (explain later) to promote his business and I ended up becoming the star feature at our massage business. I can tell you this in case you’re wondering, we did do nude massages but we were one of the massage places that was legit…no sex! We even had peep holes to keep an eye out for anyone that would do that. If my husband caught anyone having sex he would fire them.

The girls ended up really liking me there, one of the girls who had sex with my husband eventually came up to me crying and told me about her being with my husband. I told her I knew and said thanks for finally telling me but I’ll eventually have it out with him. I know as some of you read this you’re probably shaking your head at why I would stay in this marriage. Trust me, I know, there were a lot of family and friends thinking the same thing. I can only say that I was in such a dark place of depression and insecurity that I allowed this to go on longer than it should have. But bare with me, it’s going to get worse (several times) before it does get better… when I finally wake up and regain my power back.

So I’ve already established the cheating, which was with a lot of girls in such a short time of this marriage. But along with the six girls that I knew about, I believe he had something going on with his ex-girlfriend too. I recall one time arguing with him about naked pictures he had of his ex-girlfriend. He told me that he threw them out but for some reason I didn’t believe him. My institution must of been spot on because one day I ended up opening the attic door, reaching my arm in and finding a cigar box filled with naked pictures of his ex. When I confronted him he said that those pictures were expensive to get developed and that’s why he kept them. Seriously? He got them developed the old school way which hardly costs anything! Without his knowledge I ended up throwing them in the trash, oh well. I would like to say that was all I had to deal with in this marriage but it wasn’t. Now there were arguments starting to happen more frequently and then added with some violence. Forgive my accuracy on a story line here but over the years I have forgotten the order in which these events happened and for good reasons.

Somewhere in this relationship I found some courage and would start to call him out on things. Apparently he didn’t like that because he started to spread rumors about me. During the time I was with him I was using pain killers for an accident I had when I was 17 years old. Well he ended up having my family and friends believing that I was addicted to the pills and doing cocaine. I couldn’t believe that my family and friends would believe him, he was so clever! I ended up not taking any of my pills and just dealing with the discomfort/pain because I didn’t want him to find some way to have me admitted to the hospital for addiction. Not sure if he would of done that but I was just starting to learn how crazy, clever and demented my husband really was.

We also started to fight about his business, mainly me not wanting to do massages and being the ‘feature’ attraction. He had a business partner at the time but decided to screw him by giving me half of the business. Later down the road it would be a bad decision on his part but beneficial for me. Months later we would acquire another massage spa and a limo service for massages. Also, he eventually hired some DuPage county police to have at the business in the evenings for security purposes. Almost a year down the road I had left him and ended up staying with one of our employees.

The heated arguments got so bad that the employee and I kept were I was staying a secret. Why? Because he had called the police and made our employees lie to them and say I was harassing them. He made our employees fill out a restraining order against me which wouldn’t allow me to come 500 feet from the business or him. I recall getting with an attorney and he said that because I was half owner of the business that I could go to that property but then he would have to leave. One day I did show up to our establishment and he was going to leave but not before he went and took off all the doors to the massage rooms. Like I said, he was clever but I was always looking for a way to be one step ahead of him. So the employee I was staying with decided to go along with a plan that I had. That plan was to write a business note to sell her my half of the business for $1.00. I wasn’t really sure where I was going with that idea but that’s what I did at that time.


“At any given moment you have the POWER to say: this is NOT how the story is going to END.” ~ Unknown

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