Now continuing where I left off from Marriages & Divorces ~ Husband 2:4 Part 1..
During the first six months of my marriage I never brought my son up from Florida to visit me. However, I eventually had my son come visit twice which I would later regret. One of those times I would have him visit me for Thanksgiving. On that day my husband was upstairs taking a nap while I was cooking and my son was downstairs watching t.v. I prepared a nice turkey dinner which was all laid out on the kitchen counter. I woke my husband up and told him dinner was done and my son was hungry. He came downstairs and immediately went into the bathroom to talk to his ex-girlfriend. I was a little ticked off to say the least but decided to make my son a plate of food anyway. When my husband came out of the bathroom he was mad that I didn’t wait for him so we ended up getting into a heated argument about it. I got so pissed off that in one sweep of my arm I threw a majority of the turkey dinner all onto the kitchen floor. After the argument was said and done I got on my hands and knees to clean it all up. As I was cleaning up the floor I heard a knock at the door. Apparently my husband invited one of the girls from work and her boyfriend to dinner. When they came in I was so embarrassed because here I was on my hands and knees cleaning up the food as if I was in a scene from Mommy Dearest. I did try to salvage whatever I could so they could have a meal. But after that I pretty much kept to myself and stayed close to my son the rest of the evening. Another time when my son came to visit, once again my husband and I got into an argument regarding something about work. I’m not sure how that event went down, however, I remember going into my son’s room to check on him and there he was sitting up in his bed grasping his baseball bat. Over the years I always wished I could of taken those memories away from him and regretted ever having him come up around that environment.
My husband would start heated arguments with me at any time, even while we where driving in my SUV. It didn’t matter if we were on a rural street, highway or doing 40-60 mph; he would get me so inflamed that all I wanted to do was be away from him at any cost. There were several times while he was driving that I would open my door and try to jump from the vehicle. One of those times he held my seat-belt strap down so tightly that I couldn’t release it to jump out. Another time when I was driving he got me so distraught that I tried to crash my car with us in it. And then there was the time while I was driving he just took the keys out of the ignition while the car was moving.
One of my horrific memories, as if there aren’t a plethora already was when he kidnapped me. He ended up driving me to some far out place, for some reason I think he was taking me to Lake Geneva. He kept ranting about how he was going to kill me or that the police would have to get through him to get to me. I was so scared and remember grabbing my phone, jumping all the way to the back of my SUV and calling his friend. You may wonder why I didn’t call the police but I seriously didn’t know what he would do if he knew I was calling them. I didn’t know where he was taking me or even a location to tell his friend. But somehow I finally got him to take us back home where once again I just did whatever I had to in order for him to leave me alone. Yes, it was so crazy at that time and looking back I can’t believe I dealt with that instead of just leaving. Or that fact that I’m still alive. I definitely had someone looking out for me!
Eventually somewhere down the road in our marriage he had his brother come and move in with us. While my husband and I were in Vegas, his brother took my brand new SUV, took all of the money out of our safe at work and went on a cocaine binge. When we got back home it took days before the police found my vehicle and this marriage started getting crazier and worse. There were other times in the two years of my marriage to him that were pretty bad and it would take too long to write. I’ve already written a lengthy post but before I end this story I still need to tell you about what it took for me to wake up and get out of this marriage.
One day I told him I was leaving him and he took my keys and wallet so I couldn’t leave. I really didn’t care at that point, I just wanted out of that house. As I went for the front door he would stand in front of it and block me from leaving. I went for the phone and tried to call the police but he yanked the phone out of the wall. Then it got really violent… I’m not sure what I said to him but he pushed me and I fell back onto the couch. He then got on top of me and started to strangle me. I tried to fight back and wiggle myself free but I couldn’t. He eventually let go of my neck but not before he left bruises. I ended up playing him, I told him I was sorry, whatever it took for him to leave me alone. The next day I made it like nothing happened and that I was going out to get my nails done. However, I was actually going straight to the police station. Once I got there they took pictures of the bruises on my neck and went to my house to arrest him.
You would think after that I would wake up but once again, I didn’t. When my brother-in-law moved in with us his brother made him a manager at our spa. Now behind my husbands back, my brother-in-law would schedule massage appointments for me. I’d tell my husband that I was going out to run errands but instead went to go do a quick massage. This went on for a few weeks and I would hide the money I made in our bedroom window valence. The Universe opened another opportunity for me one day. My husband was going down to Florida to check out a massage spa to possibly buy. When he had left, I rented a U-haul and my brother-in-law and I just through all my stuff into it and I went to my dads house. I had called my sons father and told him I left my husband and was going to move out of state. My ex-husband ended up flying up to Chicago and driving the U-haul as I drove my vehicle down to Florida. However, it wasn’t the last straw of this domestic violence relationship. Trust me, as I sit here writing and recapping this relationship I’m thinking the same thing that you all probably are… after all of this, how could she NOT be done with him!
As I was getting settled into my new place in Florida and actually enjoying being around my son again, it wasn’t too long before my crazy husband followed me down there. I hate to say this but I guess I was that insecure or just glutton for punishment because I went back to him again. To keep this short and finally end this story, we did live together briefly. The arguments started again, he ended up raping me and I was just so exhausted from it all. Thankfully I finally found it somewhere in me to regain my courage and power back. But most importantly, I refused to let my son be around this environment again. I ended up leaving him, getting a divorce and filing a restraining order on him. I’m happy to say that this ‘wolf’ finally figured it out and that would be the LAST time I ever heard from him again!
Sometimes we make some horrible decisions in our lives and sometimes it doesn’t make sense to people around you. Sometimes it takes us just a short time to get out of those horrible mistakes we make and then there are times it takes longer or worse…we never escape them. I’m just thankful that after two years of mental and physical abuse from that man that I’m here today to tell my story. To let anyone who is in that kind of situation know and this is taken from one of my favorite movies…You is kind, You is smart, You is important ~ The Help.
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself, or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ~ Wayne Dryer