Real Talk…Jan 6, 2020

Two more days until my ablation back procedure and I’ve already spent 2020 not working or enjoying the new year. I actually would love to be working but the back says otherwise. My days since the beginning of January have consisted of a back brace, medicine, cold packs, drinking and resting. All to get some comfort in my spine and lower back.

Well I wish I was resting but my nights have been pretty much like tonight. I end up going to bed early and waking up a few hours later. I don’t want to wake my boyfriend up with me tossing and turning just to try and get comfortable, so I go lay on the couch. Tonight I fell asleep around 7pm then woke up in discomfort at 9pm, then off to the couch I went.. My spine was aching, my legs were restless and then my mind wouldn’t shut off. It took me awhile to fall asleep but only to wake up again at midnight.

At one point I sat up on the couch, bouncing my legs off of it to get some relief. Then as I was doing this my grandmother’s words popped into my head… “It could always be worse.” So there I was staring at my bouncing legs and thinking to myself. I may be in discomfort but at least I can feel that discomfort in my spine and legs. I know, sounds messed up but in reality it’s my subconscious mind and grandmothers words telling me to appreciate the little things.

I mean sure I’d rather not be feeling like this at all but I’m a realist and know that this is my situation for the rest of my life. That I just need to appreciate the good days and keep pushing forward on the not so good days. I also know with my history of depression that I could spiral if I allow my mind to focus on the negativity of the situation. But I’ve also learned, it is what it is and believe that tomorrow may be better day.

So for those of you suffering through health issues, I empathize with you. I know that some days you get frustrated and wish you were back to normal. But for me, I’ve I’ve also learned that there is someone out there worse off than me. I specifically think about those kids that have serious ailments. The fact that they don’t get to explore this beautiful world, reach goals or just simply enjoy life. Then that makes me realize that the pain and discomfort I’m going through is nothing compared to what it could be.

Sorry for the rant but just trying to put my situation in perspective and maybe let someone know, try and stay positive. Tomorrow is another day. ❤️

Hugz & Kisses,


8 thoughts on “Real Talk…Jan 6, 2020

  1. Mike

    Hope you get to feeling better my friend.. I know that this has been ongoing for years.. I hope that your next procedure helps and gets you back to where you want and need to be.. miss you. Hope to talk soon!!


    1. martinjpaul

      Dear Debbie, I find your stories very compelling. I too have lived as a realist after too many unrealized dreams. My depression has been an adversary for many years yet I carry on. I do not know why other than plain stubbornness and a refusal to give in. “It can always be worse” struck a chord with me. My Ma always told me that yet I could not comprehend the value of the statement. I always felt that ” when it sucks it sucks!” Only now can I finally appreciate that it can certainly be worse. Thank you for affirming that for me. I wish you the best and thank you for your posts. I need to hear that I’m not alone and you’ve done that for me!


      1. Hi Mike!
        Thank you for reaching out to me and taking time to read my blog. I apologize for the delay in responding. I’ve been dealing with chronic back pain and recently had a procedure done.
        I can totally relate about when it sucks it sucks. But like my gram and your mother (wise women), those words are what honestly gets me through difficult times. It’s not easy but I just try and reprogram my brain to look at the positive in things. I’m happy to hear that you are fighting your depression. I know how it feels and it can be exhausting just to get through each day. I guess that’s why there is that saying, “The toughest battle you’ll ever fight in your life is the battle within yourself.”
        You could try reading about how to reprogram your brain. Or reading some positive quotes. Those are just some of the resources I’ve used to deal with depression. I wish you nothing but a healthy state of mind, stay strong and big hugs to you!!!! 😁😘


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