Let’s Talk… Feb 12, 2020

Hello everyone!

As I sit here this evening over a month into the New Year… unfortunately, I still haven’t worked. I don’t mean to sound like a broken record but I’m having major cabin fever! I miss physically feeling like myself, I miss flying and I miss being social.

I thought for sure after this second back procedure I would be up and going again but it hasn’t quite worked out that way. I don’t mind being off work if I was actually being productive but that hasn’t been the case. I never thought I’d come to the point at such an early age that I would be limited on my daily activities… but I have. And not to mention, I miss working because my finances are getting tight. It can be overwhelming but I’m just trying to take it day by day.

I’m not sure what life lesson I’m suppose to be learning from all of this but if I wasn’t on this anti-depressant, have the knowledge of how to stay positive and have a great boyfriend to help me out… I would have probably lost my “shit” by now. Right now as I write this it’s almost midnight, I have had a muscle relaxer and a few drinks (not drunk) and I just can’t seem to fall asleep because my legs are numb and hurting. I sit here and think how people that fall into situations like mine or worse can stay calm and not lose their shit. I’ve been pushing through since this accident almost three years ago. I can’t believe that somehow I’ve managed this far mentally and financially. I know I’ve had some tough times since this accident but have also been blessed to have people who care for me help me out. Not only financially but mentally as well! I’m so grateful for all of them!!!

All I want to do is be a little physically normal again, I don’t care if I can only fly part-time. I just want to go back to work and fly! I just want to be able to do household chores without chronic pain. Maybe I just want too much? I can at least say that I’m thankful I’m still walking and I know that it could be way worse. But when it seems like the Universe just won’t give you a break, I can understand how it’s easy for some people, myself included, to lose all faith. I’m trying to stay positive and look on the brighter side, easier said than done. I’m trying to find a day that I can just get back to my social media and interact with people. But for those of you have gone through chronic pain you know that some days you just don’t feel like talking… you just want to make it through the day.

It’s kinda funny that I’m dealing with this back issue and now I find out that I have tennis elbow. I’m on steroids and have a wrist brace to wear at night and an elbow brace to wear during the day. At least I can say this, I’ve got that pain and discomfort for my ‘tennis elbow’ under control! It’s even funnier when I see myself in the mirror with my back, wrist and elbow brace on! I look like I would make a great commercial for health insurance (laughing)!

On that note, I’m not trying to be a Debbie-downer (no pun intended), I just want people to know that I can totally relate to a lot of issues when it comes to our health. And especially are mentally health and finances when dealing with health issues. When I’m in pain and limited on things I can do, I think back to when I was a Home Health Aide for Alzheimer clients. How my youngest was 80 and eldest was 90. They would talk to me about what they use to do or could do when they were younger. And though physically they couldn’t do the things they use to do… mentally they’d struggle with realizing they couldn’t be that person anymore. I totally get it and I’m not even close to their age!

I guess in the end, the Universe teaches you what matters the most when you have been through so much physically. It teaches you to not get so caught up in life or arrogant. Because the little things that you love to do now and can do now will eventually be something you can’t do at all. I’m going to stick with one of my sayings… It’s not over till the fat lady sings. And even then, there is still room for negotiations! I chose to push through this pain and discomfort. Expect the worst and appreciate the best. Be grateful I’m breathing. Be thankful I’m still walking. And most importantly… learn from this whole experience whether good or not so good. (Remember, there is no bad, just learning experiences!)

So now that I’ve ranted about my fun adversities that have come my way… I want to let you all know that no matter what my (our) future holds, no matter what my (our) mental or physical state shall be… Always remember, push forward through everything. And even if it feels like a wall has been put up between you and what you want in life… break that wall down and keep pushing through. Because remember, there is ALWAYS room for negotiations!

Hugz & Kisses,

Debbie

4 thoughts on “Let’s Talk… Feb 12, 2020

  1. You have a wonderful attitude, Debbie.
    But, I am hoping and praying that you will be able to do all the things you want to do, soon.
    Life can so often present us the greatest challenges and also get us down but I feel you have the art of mastering it all with your amazing attitude.
    I am glad you have supportive people in your life.
    I think of you and so often wonder how your day is going.
    May the universe smile upon you and be kind to you as you so deserve all the blessings of good things, good days and good health
    Sending you love ♡♡♡ xo

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    1. Hi Margie!
      I appreciate the kind words but believe me, every day is a challenge to make it positive. I also agree with you on how we perceive things.. this is so true in order to keep us from falling down the deep dark pit of depression. There may be things that are happening to me that I don’t like or understand but then I think of others in worse situations. All I can do is be thankful for the people who surround me with love and kindness. And be thankful I am alive to enjoy everything around me. Today is the day I fight my challenges and battles… tomorrow…well that’s just another day to fight the good fight!
      I do think of you often too… I hope you are well and have amazing people surrounding you. We need to keep our heads up, we are fighters and there is a reason we are here and life is giving us challenges. Higher purpose? Whatever it is… I’m glad to have you in my corner! ❤ Namaste ❤

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  2. Hi Debbie!

    I’ve been reading your blog and found it truly emotional and inspirational. I’ve read about your life’s ups and downs, and how you’ve continued to push forward with a positive attitude, you’ve truly lived an interesting life filled with so many memories. It breaks my heart how you lost your father and while my mother didn’t commit suicide, she died of cancer way too young just before her 57th birthday in 2005. Shortly after, my wife of 18 years and mother of my son and daughter asked me for a divorce…it truly felt like I experienced 2 deaths that year. It took some time, several years actually, before I truly got over the loss of my marriage and I will truly never get over losing my mommy, but I still have my memories of her and know she’d be so happy to have a beautiful grandson!

    I spent 30 years in the Air Force, and now I’m retired here in Surprise, AZ; knowing I have two beautiful children to love and care for, an awesome grandson, a father who’s still kicking at 76, a step mom who is fantastic and makes me laugh and fantastic friends, remind me daily that life is definitely worth living, even if it’s not always pleasant.

    In closing, I’m so glad you’re still with us breaking down those walls; hope to see you live a long and wonderful life and maybe I’ll get the opportunity during one of my trips to see you back flying the friendly skies! I’ll continue to follow your blog, hopefully most of them are filled with fantastic ups!!! Do your best to take care of your health and happiness and continue to live this crazy, beautiful life to its fullest. Big Hugs!!!
    – Darren

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    1. Hi Darren!
      Thank you so much for taking time to read my blogs and I appreciate that!!!
      I am sorry to hear about your mom, any death, especially at that age is way too soon! I have found that when life is throwing you all these curves… it is then when we shine our brightest. Because to me, in those times, it’s learning from what the Universe is trying to tell us. For me it’s detachment. That learning no matter what I love and cherish, it doesn’t last forever. Which then makes me appreciate it even more when it’s around. No excuses of why I can’t spend time or gratification of the minuscule moment of it. Not sure if that makes sense.
      I want to say, thank you for your service, much appreciated! And I am happy to hear you have love surrounding you. At the end of the day, it’s about getting through our life lessons, learning from them, not repeating them and living/laughing/loving life!
      My heart and thoughts go out to you. I admire you staying strong and I am thankful to have you as a friend! Maybe we will bump into each other some day. If so, don’t hesitate to say hello! Keep pushing forward and enjoy each day with a smile on your face… even in the worse of days remember, there’s always tomorrow.
      xo Debbie

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