I hope this long awaited blog finds you all well, safe and enjoying everything opening up again. However, I’m sadden by all the destruction that has been going on because of the horrific death of George Floyd. I can understand the protesting but when it comes to looting and violence, I just can’t wrap my head around that. My sincere condolences to George Floyd’s family, such a terrible tragedy.
I know I haven’t written a blog since March but I’m finally feeling up to getting one out. I was suppose to post another blog after the one I did on March 22nd but life took a little bit of a different turn for me. Now instead of rewriting the old blog, I decided to included it in this new one. I want to get you all up to date with what has been going on in my world. If you have been following me on Facebook then you pretty much know. So here we go…
I know we are all bored, getting antsy, missing our family and friends but hang in there! Nothing last forever and this virus has to end sometime soon. I’m really staying hopeful that they find a vaccine and stop this craziness. For anyone who caught the virus, speedy recovery. For anyone’s family/friends who have passed away from this virus, my heart goes out to you and my condolences. I definitely know I’m going stir crazy! I’ve been out of work since January 5 due to back problems. Then we all get hit with this COVID-19 “stay home” quarantine. And on top of all this, I’m dealing with pain and discomfort that has pretty much kept me from any activity. I miss my normal routine, walking my dog and just being able to go outside and soak up some sun on our walks. I also know right now there are a lot of people struggling mentally and financially… I totally understand. Before this whole virus and quarantine I was feeling a bit down, overwhelmed and alone. All because I had foreseen my situation facing a future financial hardship. Not to mention gaining so much weight because I really couldn’t be active like I was. But now I don’t feel so alone because I know I am not the only one with these challenges and struggles. If it wasn’t for my boyfriend still working, providing a roof over my head and putting food in the fridge… I’m not sure what mental state I would be in right now. Meaning, if I was on my own dealing with my situation, would it have mentally pushed me off the edge? That is a question the I hope not to find the answer too. So like I said, I’ve been out of work since January and on medical leave since March. I’ve had no sick bank to collect, my company offered an emergency time off with half pay but I wasn’t eligible because I’m on medical leave. And when you are on medical leave, you also can’t collect unemployment. Although, I did have a tiny little silver lining where I was eligible for the stimulus check but that didn’t last long when you’ve been out of work since January. My situation kind of reminded me of that old saying… batting 3 for 3? Yeah well, I was on the opposite side of that spectrum and actually… I don’t think I even got a bat to hit with. Then one day it just came to me, I would take all my energy and just stay in the now and focus on trying to stay positive, thankful and not worry about tomorrow. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still a human being and it’s not like I don’t think of my current situation. But when my mind starts to wander and pick at all of those what am I going to do’s. I reel my mind back in and concentrate on what can I do now in this moment. Bottom line, yes I should be depressed and worried but I have been in stickier situations. Not as challenging as this right now but I always seem to pull through somehow. I may lose some material things but in the end I still have my health and well-being and that is worth more than anything in the world.
Additionally, after much unfortunate delay with my outpatient surgery that was to take place on March 5th, I finally got it done on April 6th. Each day my back gets a little bit better and I’m hoping after the three months recovery time I will be somewhat back to normal. Though for the present moment, I’m stuck in my house with my back brace on pretty much all day and just walking around in circles at home with my walker. I miss flying, seeing my coworkers and meeting a bunch of diverse but interesting people on my flights. I know the day will come again soon when I’ll be back out there doing what I love to do! Although after being off I work for so long, I just hope I remember how to do my duties (laughing). Besides all of that, here is a left field food for thought… all this time home of not being able to do much really made me think about things. Things I probably wouldn’t have thought about because normally I just do my normal life stuff and don’t give my mind a moment to really reflect on things. But this had crossed my mind, as so many other things, however this stood out the most. First there is this stay home quarantine, which was like a vacation except my boyfriend was working from home. Which I’d take care of the animals, do the housework and cook for him. The I finally get my back surgery and the roles had changed. I moan, groan, cry and curse because I’m in pain. He is at my beckon call: cooks, takes care of the cat, dog, and household all the while still working. He see’s me pretty much every day in my pajamas with hair up or having bed head. We hardly talk or watch movies because I’m in pain and try to sleep when I can. He see’s me walking around with my walker, I’m 51 not 90. If I raced a turtle today, the turtle would probably win! He has to help me dress and undress (don’t think he minds that)! He has to replace my back dressing for the next 7 days to stop any infection. And instead of seeing me in a sexy night gown, he gets to see me overweight in a back brace….. Now that’s what I call a true relationship, something I don’t think I’ve ever experienced fully in my life. He’s there for me no matter what and I would do the same for him. I have to say, life can be funny, it can take you by surprise and make you really think and see what’s important in life like compassion and love for each another.
In regards to these past few months of being on a emotional, financial, physical and food for thought roller coaster I’ll get back on track with you about my surgery. During the first week I was feeling discomfort and pain but felt like I just needed time to heal. However, I know my body, how could I not, I’ve had like over a dozen surgeries. By the second week I started to notice some physical problems, like having trouble walking, sitting and the pain increasing. I went to the doctors and he put me on antibiotics and had me change the dressing on my wound once a day for seven days. One night I was in extreme pain and my boyfriend tried to take me to the hospital but after ten steps out my door using my walker, I couldn’t move any further. We went back into the house and I self medicated myself in hopes to relieve the pain and just sleep. We both agreed that if in thirty minutes nothing changed then we would call the ambulance. Luckily I fell asleep and the next morning called my doctor. He told me to come in ASAP for an evaluation. I saw him on a Tuesday, he wanted me to get an MRI stat and come back on Thursday for the results. I tried to get an MRI that day but the place I went to said it takes three days to get an appointment. I eventually got the MRI on Friday but wouldn’t be able to see my doctor till the following Tuesday (which is now going into three weeks after the surgery). When I went to the follow up appointment things happened so fast that my head almost spun off.
But before I get into that chaos, around this time I was taken off guard by some sad news from my ex-husband. My other cat Bones (who I left with him and our other dog Bailey) was diagnosed with stomachache cancer and he was putting him down on May 1st. It had been three years since my divorce which was the last time I had seen Bones or Bailey. I did try to see them both when I was working but apparently it wasn’t the right time for my ex-husband to agree to that. As I told my ex-husband last week, I wish I could’ve had one more time to see Bones (and Bailey) but I realize that everything happens for a reason. At least my ex-husband is sending me some of my his ashes and a paw print mold. I couldn’t be more grateful for that and know I can put him to rest next to his brother Spooky. When Spooky passed away two years ago from lung cancer, I bought this box that I had personally engraved and put his ashes, paw print mold, food bowl and catnip tube in it. I always said that when I die and get cremated, my dad and all my furbabies ashes are going in the same urn with me. Some might think that’s a bit weird but that’s fine because I don’t think it’s weird at all.
Okay, to continue on with my back problems that turned out to be an emotional event of unexpectedness, chaos and fear… to say the least. After seeing my doctor with the MRI results, he was sending me the next morning (April 6th) to the hospital for an outpatient surgery. Apparently there was liquid forming under my incision and they were going to go in and drain it. As simple as it sounded to me, I was thinking that at least I’ll be able to go home when it’s done. Nope. That wasn’t the case at all and I should know better, things just sometimes are not that simple for me without a few obstacles that the Universe likes to throw my way. After the anesthesia wore off, I woke up to a nurse coming in to check on me. She had informed me that I wasn’t going home and they were admitting me into the hospital. I was in so much pain, still under the influence of the anesthesia and who knows what other pain meds that I didn’t care at that time. The next morning I had two different doctors from the infectious disease department separately come see me. They were pretty much on spot with each other about me catching some bacteria infection. They were also in align with each other when they told me they sent a culture off to the lab to find out exactly what type of bacteria it was. Then when they find out they have to figure out what antibiotic to give me. However, they differed on the time process of all of this. One said three days, which I was thinking that at least I’ll be home for the weekend. The other said five days, which then got me less excited because then I would be spending Mothers Day in the hospital. That same morning my doctors assistant came in and told me that the abscess was directly under the incision, it took 15 minutes to drain and clean it out. He also mentioned that the abscess was hitting my spinal cord, hence why I was having a hard time walking. Makes sense.
I won’t go into many details because I want to save it for my book and not draw this blog out longer than it already is. I honestly have to say that this was the most terrifying experience I’ve ever had with all of the surgeries in my life. I went from having a back diffusion, using a walking, back brace, having problems sitting and walking. Then a day to the month of my recovering, I ended up back in the hospital for another back surgery. On the second day the nurse came in and told me that I would be getting transferred to another floor because I had a bacteria infection and they wanted to protected the other patients on that floor. The floor they took me too was the same one they had COVID-19 patients on. When I made the nurse aware of my knowledge of who was on that floor she told me not to worry because they were on the other side of the wing. Like that made me feel any better. I ended up spending six days in the hospital but was very well taken care of by the nurses who attended to me. The day before I was finally to go home I had to get a PICC line put into my arm because I was told that I would be on IV antibiotic injections for the next six weeks. I’m not sure if my writing is portraying an image to you who are reading this how scary this experience was for me. I’m usually the one that has a high tolerance for pain, who stays strong and positive. I wish I could say that was the case here but it wasn’t. For anyone who knows me, you know that I’m not really religious I’m more spiritual. So here is an inkling of how scared and in pain I was on my third day of my stay in the hospital. Before the nurses transferred me to the other floor they had to do an xray on me while I was in bed. I was in so much pain that during that xray it only made my pain worse because I had to layon on the hard film board in bed on my back. This is when my fear kicked in! When I finally got to my new room I was freaking out so bad and crying a river because of the pain, not knowing what bacteria I had and being put in isolation on a floor with Covid-19 patients. Not to mention that no one could come into the hospital to visit me. In all truthfulness, I was feeling all alone in that crazy/unknown situation and now I believe that the feeling of being alone is were all my fear was coming from. I ended up calling my big sister to help me calm down and in hopes connect me with some logic to find positivity through all of this. I told her that at one moment in my mind I was screaming to that higher being and the Universe, I can’t take this pain anymore… if you’re going to take me, take me now and not on Mothers day. I didn’t want my son to have to deal with that by any means. By the time she got me somewhat calm, I said to her, will you please pray for me? And without hesitation she broke out in a prayer for me. I believe in a higher being, the Universe, Guardian Angels and Earth Angels. I can’t pin point who the credit goes too but the next day I was a little more calmer and the pain was at least to a point that I could emotionally manage. After my six day stay there I was finally able to go home but would be getting a home healthcare nurse (to care for my wound and IV injections) and eventually doing physical therapy.
Thus as for my foreseen future of my recovery, career, finances and physical mobility… well that’s going to have to be in another blog. In ending this, I will say that this second recovery is coming along. Two more weeks of IV antibiotics injections and four more weeks of physical therapy. Till my next blog, appreciate the little thing’s in life because those are more important than the big things.
Hugz & Kisses,
“Take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. Don’t get caught up in what you can’t control. Focus on the positive.” ~ Unknown