Since I haven’t flown all year to give you some fun and interesting posts to write about. And the fact I was dealing with health issues for the most part of this year, not to mention I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to write. I’m not sure if you noticed (or not) that I haven’t done a “Weekly Flygirl Fix” in a long time. Now that being said, I decided to replace that weekly blog with my sporadic “Let’s Talk” blogs. Also, with this crazy year we have been facing, I figured that I would just start to blog about things on my mind or maybe some things you and I are going through. Hence why I went ahead and changed the “Let’s Talk” to “Real Talk”. So on that note, I think this blog will be about my current situation with working… or lack there of it. I’m sure there are a few of you out there who can relate.
With this unexpected Covid-19 virus, things have changed, there are so many unknowns and uncertainties. And as I sit here feeling like I’ve wasted a whole year of not living my life, I feel empty and maybe a little lost. The dream job that I dreamt of since I was a little girl and then achieved at an older age, seems to have gotten away from my grasp. Recently I had chosen to take a six month time away from my career, actually a lot of my co-hearts did the same or decided to retire. Why? In hopes that it will keep the company from furloughing and trying to save a lot of jobs. But in reality I know better, things are never guaranteed in life. So I found myself looking to other means to support my finances. Jobs that I thought I could do to sustain me financially, but in all honesty… they were not truly what my heart desired. My heart desires having the sky as my office view. Now I know you have to do what you must to sustain your livelihood but I would rather be broke than take on another job that I didn’t feel safe from this virus. In my mind, I would rather continue flying but I know I can’t because I took the six months off package my company offered and it’s starts September 1st. I’ll keep looking for some kind of job, keep open-minded and always put it out in the Universe and that higher being to guide my path.
And with all of that being said and as if my mind wasn’t restless enough, I’m periodically dealing with body aches in the evening. The only good thing about being up all night dealing with that, is that is I get to see the beautiful sunrise over the mountains. But to stay true to myself and with all of you, I have been dealing with some slight depression (again). To be honest, I know me and my thoughts, they are trying to get the best of me because of my financial and physical situation. So what I am noticing is that my mind is trying to use my dads upcoming birthday as a “get out of jail card”. Meaning, those negative thoughts are trying to swoop in and make me check out of my life. I would say it has a very good chance of getting the best of me but this isn’t my first rodeo with depression or thoughts of suicide. I know that there is a bigger calling for me and those negative thoughts just don’t want me to reach it or even my full potential. So I’ll just sit here, entertain those thoughts and keep pushing through. I have one life to live, I’m in control of that and no one else, not even those nasty negative thoughts are going to change that.
Now you may be wondering, how do you control those thoughts? Well it isn’t easy but you have to be aware of them. You have to look back at everything else you gone through in life and made it through. You need to learn how to release your emotions and emotionally feel the pain, anguish, frustration etc. It’s only when you suppress those feelings that you allow those negative thoughts to conquer you. You need to do a reverse phycology on those negative thoughts, laugh at them if you need to. Tell them that it’s interesting what they present to you but you’re not buying it. Use those negative thoughts to keep pushing forward and prove them wrong.
My negative thoughts start to cipher with the not going to be doing what I love for six months. Figuring out how to financially survive. Not losing it because I want my body to be back to normal already. Not being self-dependent like I’ve always been and having to adapt more to co-dependency. Or it bringing to light it’s that time of the year again (my dads birthday) coming up and facing the truth. He’s not here anymore and he’s not coming back. But then my higher self says this… you cannot take the easy way out no matter how hard it gets. Why? Because you are your father’s daughter. He was strong, compassionate, kind and most of all… he taught you to not be like him. So that’s when I choose to fight those negative thoughts. Because if I don’t, then when he took his life it wouldn’t have taught me anything. If I took my life, it would be a slap in his face from all that he taught me to be. I hope that made sense to all of you. At least it does to me and keeps me here planted.
I only make that last statement because during this whole rant, I want you to know that it is not a pity party for me. It’s something in times like these that we need to remember: it’s okay to “pause for the cause” and let your true feelings out! Get rid of all that negativity because you’re mind can be very cruel. If you let it get the best of you, it will. But I believe we are all here to succeed, to reach our full potential and most of all… to be truly happy.
Before I end this post, just remember this:
Things may be easier said than done… but all we can do is try to work things out one day at a time.
I promise you, every day won’t be unicorns and sunshine… but I will promise that we always have tomorrow to start again.
And most importantly…. hang in there and stay strong, WE got this!
Hugz & Kisses,